August 5, 2011

• Five tips on how to compliment an ugly baby.

  
  If you are one of those people who thinks that every baby is beautiful, bless you, I am not one of those people and folks like us at some point will have to deal with a friend thrusting their adorability-challenged baby (or photographs of the same) into our field of vision and what’s more, they will expect some compliment or at least a response.

  All of this came into a new light after I became a grandfather this week…of course I find my grand daughter an angel sent down from heaven but I am sure not all who gaze upon her will feel the same.

  I think it is easier to compliment than deal with the repercussions unless you are on Seinfeld.

  So as public service, I present the five tips on complimenting the parents of an ugly baby without simply lying…well lying is a viable option.

  1. When lying, do not go overboard.  For example, “Holy Mother of God!  Did the angel come down from Heaven reside with you for nine months and then travel down the birth canal to bless the earth with his beauty?!” is a tip-off that you’re a liar.  And possibly insane. “How adorable” will suffice.

  2. Focus on one feature.  Cheeks are a good, traditional and safe choice.  You want to avoid complimenting the baby’s pinky.  Anything non-facial screams “ugly”.

  3. You can’t miss with the “he has your eyes.” Unless the parent or the child is a cyclops or an eye infection at the time of course, so you may want to clear that up in advance.

  4. Act like Nostradamus. Make a ridiculous prediction about the future. “Oh, she’s going to be a heart breaker!” or “You’ll need a long stick to keep the girls away from this one!” are good bets. It is unlikely they are going to remember seventeen years later and come looking for you. “They do amazing things with plastic surgery” can be implied.

  5.”Ooh, I want one!” Although this comment technically has nothing to do with the baby’s appearance, the new parents will embrace your envy as a sign of the child’s appeal.

  Good luck!  Now, if I share a picture of my beautiful grand daughter with you be kind.

  • 6:59 pm
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